Roy's Christmas Message
Hello Darling. Doesn’t time fly? Soon be Christmas again and I must say that even the mention of it is making me tense, nervous and slightly damp in places. I thought I’d run through what’s going on at the moment by subject title, in alphabetical order. Isn’t that fun? Here goes …
APPLES : Yesterday (Saturday) I went to buy some apples, I particularly like Russets but they didn’t have any at the supermarket so I bought a samosa instead.
BINGO : Also known as tombola and housey-housey. Pat from next door recently won £10 at a bingo session to raise money for our local scout group. Bingo is thought to have originated in Twickenham which, quite by chance, is where Cry No More will be making their farewell appearance on Friday 8 January 2010. See Cry No More: Farewell appearance.
CHRISTMAS CARDS : I was hoping to send a Christmas card to every newsletter subscriber but now there are three of you the cost has become prohibitive. However, if you print out this email, paste it to some cardboard, fold it in half, draw a robin on the front and write Merry Christmas from Roy inside, it will be just as good.
CRY NO MORE: FAREWELL APPEARANCE : Cry No More will be appearing at the Turks Head in Twickenham on Friday 8 January. This will be positively our last farewell appearance until we decide to do another one. Turks Head. Winchester Hall. 28 Winchester Road. St Margarets, Twickenham, Middlesex, TW1 1LF. Doors open 8.00. Showtime 9.15. Admission £10.
STOP PRESS: There will be new releases on sale! See Cry No More: New CD releases.
CRY NO MORE: NEW CD RELEASES : We’re currently putting the finishing touches to two new CDs, Temptation (a set of previously unreleased songs) and Live in Germany, recorded when we were on tour with Marillion in 1990. Described by Pat from next door as ‘essential purchases’, they’re crammed to the gunnels with a coruscating joie de vivre and on sale from Friday 8 January. Re-releases of Live at the Social Club, Love and Power and Brown Paper Bag, all in new full-colour packaging will also be available on that very same day which just happens to be the date of the Cry No More farewell appearance. What luck! Buy at the show and save postage. I’m listening to Live in Germany whilst I type this seasonal missive as I need to check that the estimable Mr Chas Cronk has increased the applause levels to the point where it sounds like the audiences actually liked us. Do people still say, whilst?
DEEPDENE RECORDS: YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP FOR ALL ROY HILL AND CRY NO MORE RELEASES : Despite the recession, it’s been a record breaking year for the company with some CD sales now into double figures. As Managing Director I take my responsibilities very seriously and continuously strive to ensure we’re the market leader for all Roy Hill and Cry No More releases. Next year will see rapid expansion into important new global markets. These commitments and constant world tours mean that, with regret, I must give up my work as a midwife.
DONKEY DERBY : I’m planning to arrange a donkey derby next year but probably won’t.
INSTRUMENTAL COMPANION : I feel like the head of a showbiz dynasty as my son Jamie and nephew Tom have recently started a band called Instrumental Companion. Well, a duo not a band, probably because no one else will work with them. They write compelling, weird, filmy, soundscapes which can be heard at …www.myspace.com/instrumentalcompanion
MYSPACE : It’s all go on MySpace. There’s a new 20 minute movie featuring clips from my 2008 world tour in the videos section (just past hardware but before lingerie) some of which will be used for a My Life in Showbiz DVD when I’ve finished, or to be more accurate, started, the eagerly awaited Cry No More Story. Deadlines are not my strong point. See Switzerland and Website. www.myspace.com/royhillwordsandmusic
More videos … www.youtube.com/smallstories
MYSPACE BLOG: RUE MALHEREUSE : I’ve edited the twenty or so instalments of murder mystery, Rue Malhereuse, into two chapters. The plot’s thickening. Will Stanley ever get out of the box? Is Stanley really in the box? Who killed Madame Benoit? Does Alex the talking rat really exist? Search me. I know as much as you do. I love being a novelist, it gives me the chance to wear very tight trousers and a cravat. The blog also contains occasional non-fiction items but you may find it hard to tell the difference. www.myspace.com/royhillwordsandmusic
PAT FROM NEXT DOOR : Pat was recently rushed to hospital with a stubbed toe. She’s now out of intensive care and back on the booze. I bumped into her at the supermarket this morning - still no Russets so I bought a Twix - where she was showing off a new hat she’s made herself. Apparently the plywood alone cost £28.
ROY HILL 1978 : This near legendary album, produced by Elton John’s superstar knob twiddler and all-round megalomaniac Gus Dudgeon is currently being buffed-up for an entirely illegal 2010 release. It’s got a special place in my heart as it virtually ended my career.
SWITZERLAND : Regular readers will have already skipped this part but newcomers will be thrilled to know that Switzerland, an exercise in melancholy and the follow-up to my aforementioned 1978 debut album is nearing completion and will be released early 2010. Due to the endless delays and constant apologizing I can now type the words nearing completion faster than any others.
WEBSITE : This too will be up and running in time for you to buy Switzerland and all the other marvellous Deepdene CDs without having to contact me by email. How very modern! I’m sure you found that information useful beyond belief or possibly just beyond belief.
WORLD TOUR: FINAL DATE : By the time you read this my hugely successful 2009 world tour will have concluded at Lowton Labour Club in Warrington. I wonder how it went? I wonder what songs I did? I wonder if anyone mistook me for BBC weatherman Daniel Corbett?
XMAS SHOPPING : I thoroughly disapprove of spelling Christmas with an ‘X’ but thought it best to make this the last item so it would stick in your mind long after you’ve scoffed at or forgotten the other bits. Searching for last minute gift ideas? Hello Sailor, Fun with Dave, Cry No More and Cry No More live at the Mulberry Tree are all on sale via Deepdene Records, priced at a derisory £10. Just contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for details. Put some money aside too for the glut of 2010 releases mentioned earlier.
Finally and most importantly, I love you.
H A P P Y C H R I S T M A S !
Labels: Roy Hill